Thursday, August 12, 2010


There is a verse in Isaiah that now I've lost. It may even have been a Proverb or Psalm. Oh well. It talked about the humble and how God will help them. Only, it was memorable because there was a footnote over 'humble' that said 'also afflicted'. And then I started thinking about a prayer I had and the place I'm at spiritually. With so much affliction I could die. I have so much awareness of shortcomings in my life, and brokenness in my heart that I am so grieved and afflicted I could die from grief. My prayer from Daniel a few months ago was to walk humbly with God. Is that then to walk afflicted with God? The important part is that it is done 'with God.'

I am hopeful about where I am. I have seen desolation ad hoplessness in myself and my abilities and it was in God's perfect Grace to cross my path with a woman who spoke truth to me. She was where I was once, God let me see that, and it took 20+ years for restoration from Him. She was so encouraging about his promises of goodness. I am so hopeless, I can't even hope for blessings, only healing.

What's beautiful is that God is patient and forever.

Yesterday I couldn't stop reading Psalm 147:10. Just that one verse. It gave me hope and life. He gave me that to remind me when He takes delight in me. Right now, me. Because I fear Him and hope in His love. I hope in His healing.

Affliction is a curious thing in the Christian walk because we are afflicted by so many things. There are so many things that bring us humble and low to God. I love knowing "I'm down and here and You're up there."

It's an odd knowledge that I'm broken and desolate, in a way, and that God will fix all things in His time. And not knowing what He'll do. I know when an object here on earth is broken, what it's supposed to do and how to fix it. But i am so helpless, I don't even know what's step one. What am I supposed to look like in the end? How is this supposed to be fixed? This heart that, medically, is healthy? (I think). I can only wait on God. And that only inspires praise and humbleness. There is only to wait on the Farmers' expert hand and His wisdom and time.