I am hopeful about where I am. I have seen desolation ad hoplessness in myself and my abilities and it was in God's perfect Grace to cross my path with a woman who spoke truth to me. She was where I was once, God let me see that, and it took 20+ years for restoration from Him. She was so encouraging about his promises of goodness. I am so hopeless, I can't even hope for blessings, only healing.
What's beautiful is that God is patient and forever.
Yesterday I couldn't stop reading Psalm 147:10. Just that one verse. It gave me hope and life. He gave me that to remind me when He takes delight in me. Right now, me. Because I fear Him and hope in His love. I hope in His healing.
Affliction is a curious thing in the Christian walk because we are afflicted by so many things. There are so many things that bring us humble and low to God. I love knowing "I'm down and here and You're up there."
It's an odd knowledge that I'm broken and desolate, in a way, and that God will fix all things in His time. And not knowing what He'll do. I know when an object here on earth is broken, what it's supposed to do and how to fix it. But i am so helpless, I don't even know what's step one. What am I supposed to look like in the end? How is this supposed to be fixed? This heart that, medically, is healthy? (I think). I can only wait on God. And that only inspires praise and humbleness. There is only to wait on the Farmers' expert hand and His wisdom and time.