Faulty Peace

Today I made a big purchase after making another earlier this past couple of weeks. These were out of necessity, and so were necessary things to buy. But today after driving away I had a panic attack. Like I always do when I make most purchases.

Those who know me, know that I really did not grow up in a very monetarily secure household, neither in my immediate family nor my extended. There is worry in my heart caused by these things. Namely, that I have noticed that I need to make proactive actions to not be attached to material things or money or 'perishable things.' I have a tendency to think that soon it will be gone, so I must hold on to it. I need to know that all my hope and peace, as the hymn famously says, is in Christ, His Love, His Cross. That's. it.

I wasn't thinking of Christ, Love or His Cross when I was driving and panicking in the car though. I was thinking of food, bills, college, things that I have to worry about, and a million things I can think that could cause me to pity myself or make it out to not be my fault.

The only thing at the time when I was panicking was to check my bank account, and make sure I was still safely in the clear. I was. And that brought peace to me.

THAT BROUGHT PEACE TO ME. Finding security in my current financial state BROUGHT ME PEACE.

That is severely wrong. Beware of the traps of money when they steal the place of peace in our lives reserved only for our Christ.

"I want to not find security and peace in money"

That is a prayer of mine. Importantly, to find if this has been answered is when I actually do not have security and peace in money.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fall

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation

God, the Lord, is my strength;

He makes my feet like the deer's;

He makes me tread on my high places.

-Habakkuk 3:17-19