I have Nothing Together

I have nothing together. But I believe in a God who does. And who loves me even through that. And who desires me to be always joyful. And never down. And i can't even understand that.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Heb 12:1

I used to think that we would try 'to be good' ( i know that's a 12 year old way to phrase 'be righteous', but whatever, it's my blog) for Him to thank Him. I know, that's sincerely what i thought, if you had asked me, why seek righteousness? I would say, because that's how we thank God for saving us, by being good.

That is so wrong.

Not only does it make the ability to be holy appear to be within our reach, (which it entirely is not) it sets us up for failure in THANKING GOD. Cause I will mess up, and then when i do, this philosophy leaves me thinking, I guess i wasn't so thankful afterall. It leaves me so empty. And chain smoking.

But, i think, the foundational piece of the beauty of the cross i was missing, is that the search for righteousness is the search for joy. I don't know if that's right, but it makes sense to me. Because righteousness is being in like mind with God; the sanctification process is when He works through you, and where is most joy found but in Him? And when are you most of Him then when you do His will? I'm not sure how this plays out in my life yet, but you need a philosophy first, to be followed by real action I'm sure.

this all came from a really bad night, and it's strange and comforting to think that even through that God was over it all. Being sovereign and good.